Mom declares she won’t raise “tough boys” to prevent a harmful characteristic.

The Evolution of Parenting: Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys in Today’s Society

Parenting has undergone significant transformations over the years, reflecting changes in societal expectations and attitudes. One notable shift is the evolving perspective on how we raise boys. Traditional notions of masculinity often emphasized strength and stoicism, with outdated beliefs dictating that “men should be strong” and “never show emotion.” However, a growing number of parents are now actively working to dismantle these harmful stereotypes, fostering an environment that encourages emotional openness in their sons.

Despite this positive progress, remnants of the old mindset persist in our communities. You’ll still encounter phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “toughen up” from various adults—parents, grandparents, teachers, and caregivers—who may inadvertently perpetuate these limiting beliefs when young boys display sensitivity. This ingrained mindset not only affects boys in their formative years but can also shape how they navigate emotions well into adulthood.

A recent video by Jen Hamilton, a mother of two boys, has sparked an important conversation around this topic. In her video, Hamilton articulately discusses the implications of tying masculinity to toughness and the long-term consequences of emotional suppression. She starts with a heartwarming image of her sons, stating, “We have decided not to raise tough boys.”

Hamilton emphasizes that when children are encouraged to “toughen up,” they learn to disguise their true emotions in an effort to appear strong. This mentality can result in boys growing into men who feel capable of expressing only one emotion—anger. She likens this emotional repression to forcing a beach ball underwater; eventually, the pressure builds up until it inevitably resurfaces, often explosively—manifesting as temper tantrums, aggression, and outbursts.

Instead of promoting toughness, Hamilton and her husband prioritize teaching their sons the importance of emotional intelligence. They encourage their boys to “feel deeply” and to explore their emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. For example, when one of her sons comes home feeling excluded, Hamilton responds empathetically: “Hey, that really sucks. And I know exactly what that feels like, and it really hurts.” This type of validation helps children understand their feelings and navigate their emotional landscape.

Hamilton argues that dismissive responses like “Get over it” or “Toughen up” are damaging. They signal to children that their emotions aren’t valid, which can lead to difficulties in recognizing and empathizing with the emotions of others. She posits that a lack of emotional validation can contribute to narcissistic tendencies, inhibiting the development of compassion and empathy in young boys.

Interestingly, Hamilton’s own upbringing contrasts sharply with her husband’s experience. She mentions that her husband grew up in an environment where anger was prevalent. Thankfully, he has worked to cultivate his emotional awareness, allowing him to connect with their sons on a deeper emotional level.

In her conclusion, Hamilton asserts that exposing children to harsh situations as a means to “toughen them up” is neither necessary nor beneficial. Instead, she advocates for a nurturing approach that focuses on validating emotions and fostering an emotionally robust foundation for growth.

The response to Hamilton’s video has been overwhelmingly positive. Viewers, including educators and parents alike, resonate with her stance. Comments highlight the need for breaking the cycle of toxic masculinity: “This is what breaks the trauma of patriarchy. This is what saves young males,” one user wrote. Another principal shared, “I am always telling boys it’s okay to cry, to be hurt, and to have feelings.” An overwhelming sentiment echoes through the comments: we need to create safe spaces for our children to express themselves and learn empathy and compassion.

For parents looking to foster emotional intelligence in their sons, resources like “Boys Will Be Human: A Get-Real Gut-Check Guide to Becoming the Strongest, Kindest, Bravest Person You Can Be” by Justin Baldoni can provide practical advice. It’s a recommended read for any parent wanting to challenge societal norms and provide their boys with the emotional tools they need to thrive.

By embracing a more emotionally aware approach to parenting, we can usher in a new generation of young men who can express their feelings openly and cultivate empathy for those around them. This evolution in parenting is not just beneficial for our boys, but it paves the way for a more understanding and compassionate society.